New Stuff: Call Me Maybe

During the summer, I work with small children. Though I love them to death, the way the girls chose to annoy me last year was by singing Taio Cruz’s “Dynamite” over, and over, and over again. I begged them to sing any other song they knew: “Firework,” “Baby,” maybe some Selena Gomez. Hell, I was ready to burn some Aaron Carter on a CD to show them what five year old girls in my day were listening to. But no, they didn’t stop, and for the entire summer, Cruz’s mindless single (actually just the chorus, that’s all they knew) repeated in the part of my brain I cannot reach.

Needless to say, I am not looking forward to this summer, where I will surely be bombarded with whinny renditions of Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe.” Unsurprisingly, Jepsen hails from Canada, where this no-brainer was released seven months ago. Once again, it seems as if we’re going through another trend of Disney-backed teen tarts, and because I have spent the last fourteen summers dealing with little girls, I can tell you that Aaron Carter, Lil Bow Wow, Lil Romeo, Hillary Duff, Avril Lavigne, Raven Symone, Drake Bell, The Jonas Brothers, The Naked Brothers, Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, and Selena Gomez all go out of favor within a couple years.

But here’s the deal: I don’t have the heart to say I hate this song. Oh, sure, I could fill paragraphs about Jepsen’s formulaic approach and how her only musical salvation will be through an Alanis Morrisette-type affair-turned-classic-album. I’d be too happy to comment on that awful music video or Jepsen’s complete lack of vocal talent. But after spending the day railing against the exclusivity and fabrications of Clear Channel Nation, there’s a very good chance later tonight, after drinking the right amount, I will be finding the nearest fake microphone and belting out: “BUT HERE’S MY NUMBER!/SO CALL ME MAYBE!”

“Call Me Maybe” is a perfectly executed pop song. It deserves no other analysis. Sure, it draws some obvious comparisons, but not to Disney tween tarts. I speak of the pop deities: Jackson 5, The Bee-Gees, Duran Duran, Madonna, and Lady Gaga. She probably can’t repeat this success, but for now she has every five-year old girl on her side and is charming the anger out of the most hardened pop critics.

Of course, camp starts in June. We’ll see how I feel about it, then.

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4 Comments

  1. Pshaaaa…who drinks on Sunday evening.

    • the details are irrelevant…the principle matters

      • Ehh…alright then. Betcha a handshake they sing a “One Direction” song or something.

      • eww…i hope not


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